2 - Multiples & Mud

"So you take a pea size amount of this cream, you put it on your "little man in the boat", you know, "doorbell"....okay, clitoris and in about 3 minutes that bell is going to ring multiple times!!"

That was me, doing my first party at my sister in laws, with my MOTHER IN LAW as a guest!!

(Can you picture selling your mother in law sex toys? HAHAHA!)

I had index cards and spoke VERY fast! I was a curvy girl with a crooked face (see other Hell's Bells Blog) and I was in front of my family trying to tell them how to have sex the best way possible. Thank goodness they were open minded and supportive. My MIL told me to just "Slow down, you're doing great." and I said "That's what she said!" BWAHAHAHA!! That's when  I knew I was cut out for this business!!! By the way, that cream is the bomb! Not that I sell it anymore personally but if you are ever in the position where you cannot have or have trouble having multiple orgasms, you need this stuff!

Anyway, I made my first paycheck that night and scheduled my 2nd party from one of the guests. From there on in, I was on a roll. As long as I kept booking parties, I was in business.

Let's call this one party Slippery When Wet.... 

Don't blush, this is a G rated story.

Over the meadow and through the woods to Maxine's house we go!

Literally through the woods and down this long steep unpaved driveway to her house that took a sharp left turn at the bottom. The party itself went great; the ladies laughed and didn't realize I had just started in the business. They helped me make more jokes and had lots of cocktails. Lots and lots of cocktails. 

Over the years I've been asked countless times to have a drink with the party guest, but I'v always abstained. I'm working and have to drive. Although, I would have secretly LOVED to join in with many of them, I set a precedent that night and stuck to it.

During my parties, I used to pass around the products so they can touch, taste and turn them on. As you can imagine, after some drinks, the guests tend to start playing with the toys - just goofing around mind you! But they are my demo items and frankly I didn't want to have them broken or worn down.  I finally got smart after a year and passed them AFTER I talked about them, to keep women focused. And just so you know- They are NOT used personally. EW. Never!! One woman asked me if I passed around "my" toys! "NO", I stated emphatically, "I would not want my toys played with by everyone in the room."  I actually disinfected them  and all my demo regularly especially during cold/flu season. And changed batteries....the many thousands of batteries. (I should have bought stock!!)

Back to the party...

One of the products I sold was The Sex Swing. This swing hung from a doorway and..well... it provided position options. The best way to show how this works, and by far the funniest, is having your guests try it out. But remember, I was new at this, so once I got my guest, Nancy, into the swing, she started flailing about and then TIPPED UPSIDE DOWN!! Legs in the air like she just didn't care!! The room burst into laughter, I was so embarrassed for the guest at first and then realized that this was good stuff so I went with it and sold two of those contraptions that night. Including one to my hostess who eventually decided to sign up to sell toys as well!

I wrapped up the party and packed up my van and proceeded up the long driveway out of the woods.....but it had rained. Heavily. Monsoon rain. And the driveway was now mud. Thick gooopy mud. When I tried to make that sharp turn up the driveway, I could not get enough momentum for the van to continue and I started slowly SLIDING backwards towards the tree's!! I tried to brake but I was on a slow roll. Thankfully, my van came to a stop just before I hit a tree. But my tires where sunk deep. It was pitch black out, I had no cell phone signal. (Of course not, remember I'm over the meadow and through the woods!!!) and it's 2002 and iPhones did not have flashlights yet. So, using just the screen light of my phone, I stumbled back to the house, through the mud, in my heals. Cursing the entire way. It was probably a quarter mile long walk but it felt like 2 miles that night. Did I mention that I am afraid of the dark!!??

When I found my way back to my hostesses house, she was very gracious and although she offered a place to stay, I just wanted to get home. Luckily, I didn't live far and she owned a four wheel drive. (Note to self; buy 4wheel drive) The next day my husband had to get chains and tow my van out and thankfully there wasn't any damage.

From that moment on I had a fear of long unpaved driveways and always asked a potential hostess FIRST where she lived before I would say yes to a party. About two years laster I was doing a party that was at the bottom of a flooded road (rain again). I had the hostess pick me up in her big mudder to get me there!