4 - No Stripper Policy

Policies and Procedures!
Boring stuff until someone breaks a rule....

At the end of each party I would set up an ordering room. One guest at a time would ome in in a private area or room of the hostesses home where guests could place order and TAKE HOME their toys because ladies, I carried STOCK! 

At one point in my career, I had about $10k in stock that I brought to my parties. All you had to do was go by the convenience store, on the way home for batteries...unless you planned to steal them out of your remote or kids toys. In the ordering room, you could ask me anything. How the toys work, which one is good for you, anything. I once had a 20 year old ask me if she should lose her virginity. Trust me, I did not take that question lightly and we had a good long talk. I felt like her momma bear. I've also helped a few women keep their marriages interesting and sold a few products that would FINALLY give a woman the  orgasm she deserved. Face it, we all work hard - there is nothing like a little pressure release!

Now, as a company policy, there were no men and no under 17 were allowed at parties. This even included babies. There is nothing that could ruin a girls night out more than a screaming baby. Granted they are cute and all but it's just not appropriate when you have vibrators in the room. Some guests wouldn't get that. So I just wouldn't do the party. I also had a stripper policy. See, toy parties make a perfect Bachlorette party but for some reason, hostesses wanted to include a stripper too. For me, if you had to have a stripper, he had to be DONE and GONE before I showed up or he could show up AFTER I was DONE and GONE. I didn't want to interfere with his show and I didn't want him interfering with my sales. Pretty simple, right?

Never seemed to happen the way I planned it. 

Over the clothes and past the stripper......

I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of strippers. They use too much cologne, are a little too shiny and you don't know where they've been. Nothing against them doing this for a business but it's just not for me. I've personally known strippers and if they have the balls to pull it off - more power to them! My hostesses couldn't understand that though. They are like, "You sell toys! You must LOVE strippers!" Tell me, what does one have to do with the other? Strippers won't give you orgasms....okay, so maybe they will...I don't know and I don't want to find out. He's basically a stranger that has dirty money down his pants! Yup! Your face just cringed. So did mine. 

For this particular Bachlorette party, I thought I was in the clear. I had given my hostess explicit instructions and I had finished a bit early and was wrapping up the ordering room. I was going through the orders, determining what my hostess earned and then I heard it....the stripper music started (Bow chicka - wow- wow! ) and girls started screaming! "Take it off, Take it off!!" CRAP! I was in the back room and the stripper started his show on the other side of the door!

Scrambling, I threw everything in my bags as quickly as I could hoping to get out before anything came off. I opened the door and there he was...doing his thang! Butt cheeks swinging in the air! I had 3 HUGE duffle bags to drag out. I was perturbed and trapped. So I dragged them out......over his clothes...through the middle of his show. I don't know if he stopped stripping when I went past him, I'm not sure if he gave me a dirty look when I ran over his clothes, I just headed straight for the exit with my head down. Yelling thank you as I scooted out. I'm sure it didn't take long for them all to forget me; especially with hunka-hunka muscles taking his clothes off! I soon realized it didn't matter what you told the hostesses...things were going to happen anyway. 

3 - PTO President By Day

At the height of my business, I was doing 3 to 4 parties a week!

That equated to nearly $1500/week in profit. I was finally banking some money but I was not home on the weekends or in the evenings. I would do a party on Fri night, Saturday, Saturday Night, then a weeknight, besides having team meetings. I truly enjoyed my first Friday night home after 8 years, when I left the business. The hubby and kids both exclaimed how nice it was to have me there. Sometimes I feel that I missed a lot of events; ball games, school shows but that's what jobs do. They get in the way. And believe me, ANYONE who tells you that these distributorships are part time work, is lying to you. If you want to bring in a $100 or so a month, yes, but if you want to make a full time income, plan on putting in some hours. 

Working nights did give me the perfect opportunity to get involved with my children's school during the day. So, when I wasn't doing parties at night,  I was taking care of my two children and volunteering at their school as a PTO President. Yes, they voted me in!! (PTO mom by day- Dildo Lady at night!) My community knew what I did but because I held it at a higher level, so it never became an issue. I made sure never to embarrass any one of my clients. And what they purchased was only their story to tell. I do know there are a LOT of happy women in my town because of me!! HAHAHAHA!! I also know a few women who could have benefited from my products as well. 


Regarding my kids; I never made it a big deal in front of children. I told them I sold lotions and lingerie (girlie things) and I think that kept them out of my bags of stock. Fortunately, I never had an incident where a child came running in to the room holding a vibrator! I have heard of it happening to other distributors though. There is this one toy, for men, where they "fit in to" like a sleeve. Well, another distributor's toddler got a hold of one and was winging it in the air and running around the house one day! 

Another plus of this business was that it helped me become comfortable talking about sex to my children. Once they became teenagers, I let them know what Mommy actually sold and they also know that it provided for them in terms of financial stability.  They also know that they can come to me with any questions and I will never embarrass them but only educate them. It's made for some very frank but great discussions. 

The cool thing was that sales were not limited to parties. I made many "outside" sales as well… I had the logo of my company displayed proudly on the back of my van, handed out a lot of business cards and always talked about my business. One day my van was parked at a local restaurant while I enjoying lunch with my girlfriend and sure enough, I was approached by a woman as I sat at my table asking me for a catalog. Apparently, she had seen me walk in. A few minutes later she placed a $200 order! There I was in the middle of the restaurant selling sex toys to a complete stranger. "Yes, that cream will make him last longer, Yes, that whip comes in red also....." I look back and think how bizarre it was but how normal I treated it. 

Another time one of my clients called and said that she needed a bunch of novelties for a bachelorette party. She placed a $100 order for penis lipsticks, masturbation kits, penis

erasers (yes, that's a thing)! Then she told me that I was going to meet her FATHER in front of a local store and he was going to give me the money for the items. The next day there I was, standing in front of Petco while he wrote out a check for sex toy novelties for his daughter. I'm not sure he could look me in the eye because I could not look at him in the eye either! 

The largest quantity of any items I had ever sold at one time was this one product that would give you multiple orgasms, X-Scream. The buyer? He was a man whose wife had brought home that product from one of my parties and he loved it so much that he bought a CASE of it for all his football buddies! I can only imagine their wives faces when their husbands went off to a football game and came home with orgasm cream. I hope they were happy. It does work!!! (PS - that was the cream I mentioned in an earlier entry. Get. That. Cream!)

I know there are more side of the road stories and I will have to think of them as my memory comes back to me. I look back at those times and I cannot believe that I had the balls to meet a clients father in front of Petco and take his money for sexual novelties. Okay, that just doesn't sound right… But you know what I mean!

2 - Multiples & Mud

"So you take a pea size amount of this cream, you put it on your "little man in the boat", you know, "doorbell"....okay, clitoris and in about 3 minutes that bell is going to ring multiple times!!"

That was me, doing my first party at my sister in laws, with my MOTHER IN LAW as a guest!!

(Can you picture selling your mother in law sex toys? HAHAHA!)

I had index cards and spoke VERY fast! I was a curvy girl with a crooked face (see other Hell's Bells Blog) and I was in front of my family trying to tell them how to have sex the best way possible. Thank goodness they were open minded and supportive. My MIL told me to just "Slow down, you're doing great." and I said "That's what she said!" BWAHAHAHA!! That's when  I knew I was cut out for this business!!! By the way, that cream is the bomb! Not that I sell it anymore personally but if you are ever in the position where you cannot have or have trouble having multiple orgasms, you need this stuff!

Anyway, I made my first paycheck that night and scheduled my 2nd party from one of the guests. From there on in, I was on a roll. As long as I kept booking parties, I was in business.

Let's call this one party Slippery When Wet.... 

Don't blush, this is a G rated story.

Over the meadow and through the woods to Maxine's house we go!

Literally through the woods and down this long steep unpaved driveway to her house that took a sharp left turn at the bottom. The party itself went great; the ladies laughed and didn't realize I had just started in the business. They helped me make more jokes and had lots of cocktails. Lots and lots of cocktails. 

Over the years I've been asked countless times to have a drink with the party guest, but I'v always abstained. I'm working and have to drive. Although, I would have secretly LOVED to join in with many of them, I set a precedent that night and stuck to it.

During my parties, I used to pass around the products so they can touch, taste and turn them on. As you can imagine, after some drinks, the guests tend to start playing with the toys - just goofing around mind you! But they are my demo items and frankly I didn't want to have them broken or worn down.  I finally got smart after a year and passed them AFTER I talked about them, to keep women focused. And just so you know- They are NOT used personally. EW. Never!! One woman asked me if I passed around "my" toys! "NO", I stated emphatically, "I would not want my toys played with by everyone in the room."  I actually disinfected them  and all my demo regularly especially during cold/flu season. And changed batteries....the many thousands of batteries. (I should have bought stock!!)

Back to the party...

One of the products I sold was The Sex Swing. This swing hung from a doorway and..well... it provided position options. The best way to show how this works, and by far the funniest, is having your guests try it out. But remember, I was new at this, so once I got my guest, Nancy, into the swing, she started flailing about and then TIPPED UPSIDE DOWN!! Legs in the air like she just didn't care!! The room burst into laughter, I was so embarrassed for the guest at first and then realized that this was good stuff so I went with it and sold two of those contraptions that night. Including one to my hostess who eventually decided to sign up to sell toys as well!

I wrapped up the party and packed up my van and proceeded up the long driveway out of the woods.....but it had rained. Heavily. Monsoon rain. And the driveway was now mud. Thick gooopy mud. When I tried to make that sharp turn up the driveway, I could not get enough momentum for the van to continue and I started slowly SLIDING backwards towards the tree's!! I tried to brake but I was on a slow roll. Thankfully, my van came to a stop just before I hit a tree. But my tires where sunk deep. It was pitch black out, I had no cell phone signal. (Of course not, remember I'm over the meadow and through the woods!!!) and it's 2002 and iPhones did not have flashlights yet. So, using just the screen light of my phone, I stumbled back to the house, through the mud, in my heals. Cursing the entire way. It was probably a quarter mile long walk but it felt like 2 miles that night. Did I mention that I am afraid of the dark!!??

When I found my way back to my hostesses house, she was very gracious and although she offered a place to stay, I just wanted to get home. Luckily, I didn't live far and she owned a four wheel drive. (Note to self; buy 4wheel drive) The next day my husband had to get chains and tow my van out and thankfully there wasn't any damage.

From that moment on I had a fear of long unpaved driveways and always asked a potential hostess FIRST where she lived before I would say yes to a party. About two years laster I was doing a party that was at the bottom of a flooded road (rain again). I had the hostess pick me up in her big mudder to get me there! 

1 - You are going to sell WHAT??

You've heard of "those parties" that woman have? 

Candle parties, makeup parties, jewelry, essential oils.....

They are fun too but I'm talking about "those parties".... aka, TOY parties! Not your kid's toys. I'm talking adult toys. All those products in "those" stores that you don't want to go into because some creepy man is going to watch you pick out your toy. Then the boy at the counter has to test, yes, I said test, your toy right in front of you before you take it home. His hands have been on your toy. EWWW! I did these parties in the privacy of your home and then you got to take them home - THAT NIGHT! 

Maybe you've been to one, maybe your are just curious what happens at one. I successfully sold adult toys and romance enhancement items for about 8 years and believe me when I say I've seen it all.

Here is my story....stranger than fiction and I hope very entertaining.

NOTE: The names have been changed to protect the "innocent". So, when you see a name like "Maxine", don't let your imagination run away with you. It probably wasn't your friend Maxine that had a party without you. But you never know!

(As of Fall of 2015,  I am retired from the business and continue to fulfill my life's bucket list. This blog was on the list.)

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It was 2002 and I hadn't worked in over a year.  9/11 had impacted my home based drafting/graphics business and work had dried up. I had looked everywhere for employment and no one wanted to hire a part time, stay at home mom for more than $10/hour. It was ideal that I work at night or out of my home but I knew retail would not benefit our financial situation enough. My husband I were committed to having me raise our children but I needed to find some kind of work that fit our schedule and fast.....Then I was invited to a Toy Party.

The multi-level marketing business was just taking hold. For the longest time Mary Kay, Avon and Pampered Chef were the biggies. I honestly cannot believe how many there are now; they cover the gambit from health, make-up, essential oils, leggings. You name it, you can start a home based business selling it. This particular night I was invited to a "Slumber Party". It was a "fun girls night out" and I knew it had to do with romance products but I had never been to one. There were about 30 of us there and we had a blast laughing at jokes and passing around all the goodies. The goodies consisted of massage lotions, lingerie, educational books, and toys. These toys were the ones that go buzz in the night for adults only. (wink-wink). AKA Vibrators, for those of you who aren't getting the hint.

I have always been comfortable about my sexuality and a talker so it was natural for me to give advice to my friends at the party. Melissa, the company representative, had spotted me and made sure I knew how this business could change my life. I'm thankful she shared the opportunity.  It happened to be my birthday and my friends had given me a $100 gift certificate so I could by myself a little something-something. So I bought a......

BIG

LARGE

......starter kit!!!

Yeah, I know where your mind was going. 

This kit ended up being a gift of a lifetime and changed me and my future in many ways. I decided that night that I was going to make money educating, empowering and entertaining women. AKA, sell sex toys.  Ta-Daaa!!

By the time I got home from the party, I had my own business again. I never thought it would last as long as it did and provide so many dear friends, confidence building,  financial stability and some of the funniest stories.

I busted through my front door and announced to my husband that I was going to sell sex toys!! Of course he thought it was best idea EVERRRR!!  He could go to work an tell everyone his wife is a sex goddess who sells toys. To say he was enthusiastic about it is an understatement. Most red blooded men would love their women to have boxes of toys show up at their houses on a regular basis. I was just going to be the retail outlet for them and get paid. Bonus all around! 

It was a bonus and again, lucrative. But it did have it's moments.......(Scroll to the top to see the other entries and PLEASE leave comments or questions!)